Life happens, it just happens. You have no control over certain circumstances while you do over others. Right now, I have no control over how terrible the economy is and how many people are out of work. I have no control over who is going to be lucky enough to hire me. I have the intelligence, the skills, the responsibility what more is there?
I have tried everything. As a believer and follower of Jesus Christ, I have prayed about it. I have let God take the reigns. I have prayed every morning, afternoon, and night. I have stopped what I was doing to pray. I have had friends who also have a relationship with God, help me. A good friend of mine bought me a book, "The Christian's Career Journey" which helps you identify what a good career choice for you would be. It is an awesome book. But I have taken the assesments and gone the extra mile for the last two years. I have revamped, edited, and proofread my resume countless of times. I have had others look at it.
Right now, I feel that I have wasted 2 years of my life going to school to earn a degree in business. I graduated with high hopes of landing a good job, and I don't even get call backs. I feel like going back to school to get a higher education was a waste of time and money. Where are the jobs? I have a degree that is, unfortunately, not doing a thing for me.
I am in a desert as were the Israelites. I am enslaved as unemployed and wandering the desert in hopes to soon reach the Promise Land. I believe that the waiting, waiting, and more waiting has made me want to turn back and away from God. Maybe if I do, I will get a job. Maybe if I go back to not believing I will get a job. Praying and having faith in Him is just not doing it. It took 33 years for me to come to God, does that mean that it is going to take 33 years for Him to come into my life? Lord, I hope not. I can go 33 years unemployed.
I was sitting in Taco Bell yesterday with my mom and my son. A middle aged man came in and came over to us. He was carrying a grocery bag. He recited to us obviously a script he wrote. He said he was homeless, from Oregon, lost his job, has 3 kids, and 2 grandkids, his car was stolen and just barried his wife. His script was well rehearsed and well memorized. I felt for him because my heart goes out to those who need, but do they need? Anyway...my mom, bless her heart, gave him a dollar and he thanked her and said "God Bless!" He then walked across the dining room to some more patrons and started to ramble the same speech. A lady who was there who to me, was extremely heartless and rude, told him to "get a job, I just did!' She was almost to the point of bantering with him that a fight could have broke out. She was heartless and cold. Now the thing that went through my mind first was, Yes I understand that sometimes especially in these times, it is hard to distinguish if people really need help, or they just want to earn a quick buck. But have love for your fellow man. She kept murmuring under her breath about the situation and it just made me more irate. Let it go. It is not like he asked for your first born. The second thing that went through my head was, If this lady, who is obviously rude and careless for others, can get a job as a customer service rep, why can't I?
So here I am. Unemployed going on two years. I get tired of sending out my resume with cover letters to employers and not getting a response or even a rejection letter. I get tired of going to sleep at night knowing that I just have to wake up the next morning and do the same routine of not going to work. I get tired of telling my son "NO" when he wants something. I get tired of thinking about ways to make money. I get tired of thinking of ways to make my resume stand out. I get tired of being tired. This whole process of waiting for the Promise Land is going to make me old and I will not get to enjoy my time here. I don't think that is the way it is supposed to be? The gray hair I have to becoming more and more. What do I do?
What is standing in my way? Is there something I am supposed to do for God to answer my prayers? I am offered sales jobs, that I have no desire to take because that is not what I apply for and I know me and I am not a sales person. I would starve. I cannot live on comission. It would be like being unemployed. I cannot sale things. I cannot even sale myself I guess.
I need to realize that i just need to find a rich man and get married.
