Life happens, it just happens. You have no control over certain circumstances while you do over others. Right now, I have no control over how terrible the economy is and how many people are out of work. I have no control over who is going to be lucky enough to hire me. I have the intelligence, the skills, the responsibility what more is there?
I have tried everything. As a believer and follower of Jesus Christ, I have prayed about it. I have let God take the reigns. I have prayed every morning, afternoon, and night. I have stopped what I was doing to pray. I have had friends who also have a relationship with God, help me. A good friend of mine bought me a book, "The Christian's Career Journey" which helps you identify what a good career choice for you would be. It is an awesome book. But I have taken the assesments and gone the extra mile for the last two years. I have revamped, edited, and proofread my resume countless of times. I have had others look at it.
Right now, I feel that I have wasted 2 years of my life going to school to earn a degree in business. I graduated with high hopes of landing a good job, and I don't even get call backs. I feel like going back to school to get a higher education was a waste of time and money. Where are the jobs? I have a degree that is, unfortunately, not doing a thing for me.
I am in a desert as were the Israelites. I am enslaved as unemployed and wandering the desert in hopes to soon reach the Promise Land. I believe that the waiting, waiting, and more waiting has made me want to turn back and away from God. Maybe if I do, I will get a job. Maybe if I go back to not believing I will get a job. Praying and having faith in Him is just not doing it. It took 33 years for me to come to God, does that mean that it is going to take 33 years for Him to come into my life? Lord, I hope not. I can go 33 years unemployed.
I was sitting in Taco Bell yesterday with my mom and my son. A middle aged man came in and came over to us. He was carrying a grocery bag. He recited to us obviously a script he wrote. He said he was homeless, from Oregon, lost his job, has 3 kids, and 2 grandkids, his car was stolen and just barried his wife. His script was well rehearsed and well memorized. I felt for him because my heart goes out to those who need, but do they need? Anyway...my mom, bless her heart, gave him a dollar and he thanked her and said "God Bless!" He then walked across the dining room to some more patrons and started to ramble the same speech. A lady who was there who to me, was extremely heartless and rude, told him to "get a job, I just did!' She was almost to the point of bantering with him that a fight could have broke out. She was heartless and cold. Now the thing that went through my mind first was, Yes I understand that sometimes especially in these times, it is hard to distinguish if people really need help, or they just want to earn a quick buck. But have love for your fellow man. She kept murmuring under her breath about the situation and it just made me more irate. Let it go. It is not like he asked for your first born. The second thing that went through my head was, If this lady, who is obviously rude and careless for others, can get a job as a customer service rep, why can't I?
So here I am. Unemployed going on two years. I get tired of sending out my resume with cover letters to employers and not getting a response or even a rejection letter. I get tired of going to sleep at night knowing that I just have to wake up the next morning and do the same routine of not going to work. I get tired of telling my son "NO" when he wants something. I get tired of thinking about ways to make money. I get tired of thinking of ways to make my resume stand out. I get tired of being tired. This whole process of waiting for the Promise Land is going to make me old and I will not get to enjoy my time here. I don't think that is the way it is supposed to be? The gray hair I have to becoming more and more. What do I do?
What is standing in my way? Is there something I am supposed to do for God to answer my prayers? I am offered sales jobs, that I have no desire to take because that is not what I apply for and I know me and I am not a sales person. I would starve. I cannot live on comission. It would be like being unemployed. I cannot sale things. I cannot even sale myself I guess.
I need to realize that i just need to find a rich man and get married.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Just Beyond the Horizon
I can see it! I can smell it! I can taste it and the taste is sweet. The saying is true; the sweet taste of success. I can't believe it. After many trials and tribulations, I am about to graduate with my BA in Business Administration. This of course means what? It means that I have the knowledge? I wish it garunteed me a job. A job is what I need more then anything, not a degree. I have yet to see, if a degree will improve my chances. I can't wait to see that. I will be recording each and every offer, interview, resume sent, almost like a study. I want to know if what they say is true; "having a degree will get you in a better job!" I won't have the experience. I think experience is what gets people jobs more then a degree. I have to start somewhere though and if it is entry level then that is what it is. I don't expect to be the CEO of a large corporation over night. NOPE!
So is all about to change? Is my life going to be re-arranged? It's not like I am getting married or moving out of state, but graduating with a degree is exciting. OMW, I started this online schooling in 2004 with my AA . For 7 years, I have taught myself online. I have read textbooks, taken tests, studied, completed papers and written essays. I stayed up nights, scheduled my life to just focus on what lies ahead, I have read, read, read, and read. Now what? What do I do now? I kid you not, I walk around this house with nothing to do and it drives me crazy. I feel the need to open up a book that is focused on Business, and there isn't one. I guess it is time to read the good books that friends have lent me. Still there still feels like an emptiness inside me. It drives me crazy.
It is time once again to re-write the resume. This time when asked my education level, I can happily put a check in Bachelors. My resume will indicate that I have one. Just writing that put a huge smile on my face. The only thing left for me to do is take the sememster exam which I am waiting on the school to send me. After that what happens? Oh the excitement!
If I can afford it and find a high paying job, then I would like to go on with my Masters, but being unemployed, just doesn't look like I am going to do that. I don't want a student loan that I have to have lurking over my shoulder for the rest of my life. Not having debt is a wonderful feeling, I have yet to feel. I do know alittle of that feeling but not like I would like to. It is still there.
Any suggestions on where to start?
So is all about to change? Is my life going to be re-arranged? It's not like I am getting married or moving out of state, but graduating with a degree is exciting. OMW, I started this online schooling in 2004 with my AA . For 7 years, I have taught myself online. I have read textbooks, taken tests, studied, completed papers and written essays. I stayed up nights, scheduled my life to just focus on what lies ahead, I have read, read, read, and read. Now what? What do I do now? I kid you not, I walk around this house with nothing to do and it drives me crazy. I feel the need to open up a book that is focused on Business, and there isn't one. I guess it is time to read the good books that friends have lent me. Still there still feels like an emptiness inside me. It drives me crazy.
It is time once again to re-write the resume. This time when asked my education level, I can happily put a check in Bachelors. My resume will indicate that I have one. Just writing that put a huge smile on my face. The only thing left for me to do is take the sememster exam which I am waiting on the school to send me. After that what happens? Oh the excitement!
If I can afford it and find a high paying job, then I would like to go on with my Masters, but being unemployed, just doesn't look like I am going to do that. I don't want a student loan that I have to have lurking over my shoulder for the rest of my life. Not having debt is a wonderful feeling, I have yet to feel. I do know alittle of that feeling but not like I would like to. It is still there.
Any suggestions on where to start?
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Yeah, its over!
It was in December that I went to the dentist for a routine check-up and cleaning. Unfortunately, since I had not been to that dentist for a cleaning, they had to take x-rays. It was then that the dentist informed me that I had a cyst in my lower, right side jaw. YUCK! I had the cyst in the same area ten to twelve years ago, so it wasn't too traumatic. Still though the thought that it was there and it had come back and I would have to have it surgically removed didn't excite me.
I walked out of the dentist with no teeth cleaning and a heavy heart. Not my idea of a good day. It was done though, and not much that I could do about it.
The dentist recommended that I go see a Maxomillfacial surgeon. WHAT? He sent me to a young man, good looking too, that seemed to know everything about what this was. He was well informed and left me alittle more comfortable. He impressed my mom and I. He did tell me, however, that he would have to surgically remove the cyst, and it was possible that he might have to break my jaw. A broken jaw meant that I would have to have it wired shut for about 6 months, or was it 6 weeks. Either way, there was no way I was going to do that. I cannot live on liquid diets alone. I need my meat!
That surgeon took better x-rays that showed the cyst and how big it was. He then suggested that I go to Kaiser to get a bone density scan. He wanted to see how much bone I had left in my jaw. Ok scary!
Off to Kaiser, I went. Unfortunately, the Maxomillfacial surgeon I had to see was in Hollywood. I remember the first day. I walked in expecting to see a man and I was greeted by a young woman who was probably younger then I and was about as tiny. She was a beautiful girl too. She was an angel. She must have sensed my fears because she was very detailed about what it was growing in my jaw and the procedure she would perform. At one time she asked if I had questions, and I stepped up and told her that others had told me that they would have to break my jaw and then wire my mouth shut. She responded with a very affirmative, "There is no reason to have to wire your mouth shut! I will not do that and if the bone is thin, then I will simply put a plate in the jaw bone!" Relief was probably felt a hundred miles away from everyone. I know that God was smiling down thinking that He had done a good thing for me.
The preop appointment was a dud. I mean come on...what was the purpose? I simply went to the doctor I had already seen, she told me the samething, and then off to see admitting. They did draw blood, and gave me pre-admitting instructions. There was no way that I was going to stay in the hospital. Hospitals in my opinion are for sick people, and I am not sick. At least not physically...LOL! It amazed me since on that day that I went, the department of pre-admitting that I was in, promptly closed their offices at 12PM-1PM for lunch. My mom and I sat in the waiting room to be called to my next station. Not at anytime did a doctor or nurse come out and say that at 12, they all go to lunch for an hour. It was up to us to sit there and wait or go get something to eat ourselves and come back. A nurse came out and my mom asked her if we had to wait. She was extremely rude and said "Yeah, we have to eat! I would suggest you sign in, and go eat!" Something to that extent. Really? I was just amazed that they didn't even inform us, but just left us sitting there.
The day of the surgery was stressful. I waited and waited for the day to come and once it did two things went through my mind. (1) Glad it is here so I can get it over with (2) Do I really have to do this? I woke up that morning bright and early with knots in my stomach. I don't think it was as much the procedure to remove it as it was the idea of being knocked out and waking up in a hospital. YUCK! I had the procedure done 10-12 years before, but it was outpatient in USC Hospital. It was no big. Evey single nurse that was there was kind and gentle. The nurse, Alex, who took me in to prepare me for surgery was so gentle. She made sure I was warm and comfortable. When it came time to insert the IV, she numbed the area first then did what needed to be done. I didn't feel a thing. The operating rooms now have warming blankets, warming tubes to connect to your gown which blows warm air through a tube onto your body. WEIRD! They even give you socks now. :) I was then asked if I wanted to watch T.V. Alex pulled over a computer like screen over my head which was connected to the back of the gurny, and I selected the Today Show. I got to watch t.v. How cool is that? It was then the waiting began. I think that is what gets you is the waiting. The surgeon finally came in and talked to me and reassured me that it was all going to be okay. From then they took me in to surgey a half hour early and to be honest, I don't remember a thing. The anasticologist gave me a sedative and well the rest is history until I go to post-op. The surgeon did tell me it would take about two hours and that it did. After the surgery, she talked to my mom who was waiting for me and told her that she did not have to remove my back moral, didn't have to put in a plate, and did remove the whole cyst. She said it was real easy to get out and at the top so she didn't have to dig.
Recovery, isn't the greatest. I do love to eat and am finding that although I love El Pollo Loco, I am becoming sick of it. I have had the mashed potatoes, the chicken noodle soup, but give me a burger from the Habit. 2 more days of soft food. I am swollen, but it looks like I got my wisdom teeth out. I am sore, but nothing that advil can't help. I was given vicodine, but in all honesty, Advil works way better. Go figure that one. Yesterday, I had a lot of visitors who brought me love, food, and friendship. It was nice. I did love it all, but I hope this will not have to be repeated in ten-twelve years.
I walked out of the dentist with no teeth cleaning and a heavy heart. Not my idea of a good day. It was done though, and not much that I could do about it.
The dentist recommended that I go see a Maxomillfacial surgeon. WHAT? He sent me to a young man, good looking too, that seemed to know everything about what this was. He was well informed and left me alittle more comfortable. He impressed my mom and I. He did tell me, however, that he would have to surgically remove the cyst, and it was possible that he might have to break my jaw. A broken jaw meant that I would have to have it wired shut for about 6 months, or was it 6 weeks. Either way, there was no way I was going to do that. I cannot live on liquid diets alone. I need my meat!
That surgeon took better x-rays that showed the cyst and how big it was. He then suggested that I go to Kaiser to get a bone density scan. He wanted to see how much bone I had left in my jaw. Ok scary!
Off to Kaiser, I went. Unfortunately, the Maxomillfacial surgeon I had to see was in Hollywood. I remember the first day. I walked in expecting to see a man and I was greeted by a young woman who was probably younger then I and was about as tiny. She was a beautiful girl too. She was an angel. She must have sensed my fears because she was very detailed about what it was growing in my jaw and the procedure she would perform. At one time she asked if I had questions, and I stepped up and told her that others had told me that they would have to break my jaw and then wire my mouth shut. She responded with a very affirmative, "There is no reason to have to wire your mouth shut! I will not do that and if the bone is thin, then I will simply put a plate in the jaw bone!" Relief was probably felt a hundred miles away from everyone. I know that God was smiling down thinking that He had done a good thing for me.
The preop appointment was a dud. I mean come on...what was the purpose? I simply went to the doctor I had already seen, she told me the samething, and then off to see admitting. They did draw blood, and gave me pre-admitting instructions. There was no way that I was going to stay in the hospital. Hospitals in my opinion are for sick people, and I am not sick. At least not physically...LOL! It amazed me since on that day that I went, the department of pre-admitting that I was in, promptly closed their offices at 12PM-1PM for lunch. My mom and I sat in the waiting room to be called to my next station. Not at anytime did a doctor or nurse come out and say that at 12, they all go to lunch for an hour. It was up to us to sit there and wait or go get something to eat ourselves and come back. A nurse came out and my mom asked her if we had to wait. She was extremely rude and said "Yeah, we have to eat! I would suggest you sign in, and go eat!" Something to that extent. Really? I was just amazed that they didn't even inform us, but just left us sitting there.
The day of the surgery was stressful. I waited and waited for the day to come and once it did two things went through my mind. (1) Glad it is here so I can get it over with (2) Do I really have to do this? I woke up that morning bright and early with knots in my stomach. I don't think it was as much the procedure to remove it as it was the idea of being knocked out and waking up in a hospital. YUCK! I had the procedure done 10-12 years before, but it was outpatient in USC Hospital. It was no big. Evey single nurse that was there was kind and gentle. The nurse, Alex, who took me in to prepare me for surgery was so gentle. She made sure I was warm and comfortable. When it came time to insert the IV, she numbed the area first then did what needed to be done. I didn't feel a thing. The operating rooms now have warming blankets, warming tubes to connect to your gown which blows warm air through a tube onto your body. WEIRD! They even give you socks now. :) I was then asked if I wanted to watch T.V. Alex pulled over a computer like screen over my head which was connected to the back of the gurny, and I selected the Today Show. I got to watch t.v. How cool is that? It was then the waiting began. I think that is what gets you is the waiting. The surgeon finally came in and talked to me and reassured me that it was all going to be okay. From then they took me in to surgey a half hour early and to be honest, I don't remember a thing. The anasticologist gave me a sedative and well the rest is history until I go to post-op. The surgeon did tell me it would take about two hours and that it did. After the surgery, she talked to my mom who was waiting for me and told her that she did not have to remove my back moral, didn't have to put in a plate, and did remove the whole cyst. She said it was real easy to get out and at the top so she didn't have to dig.
Recovery, isn't the greatest. I do love to eat and am finding that although I love El Pollo Loco, I am becoming sick of it. I have had the mashed potatoes, the chicken noodle soup, but give me a burger from the Habit. 2 more days of soft food. I am swollen, but it looks like I got my wisdom teeth out. I am sore, but nothing that advil can't help. I was given vicodine, but in all honesty, Advil works way better. Go figure that one. Yesterday, I had a lot of visitors who brought me love, food, and friendship. It was nice. I did love it all, but I hope this will not have to be repeated in ten-twelve years.
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